"Plan B"

For some reason this topic has been on my heart lately, so I decided to blog about it. I can't speak for everyone, but for us, adoption is not our "Plan B". At least now it's not.

On May 7, 2010, just two days before Mother's Day, I was told that the only way I would become pregnant was through highly expensive medical treatments, aka, in vitro fertilization. I was devastated, naturally. But not as devastated as you might think. I'd had a lot of moments in the past two years of our infertility where I felt a lot more depressed.

As my OB/GYN broke the news to me, I just sat there patiently listening. He asked if I was going to go breakdown and cry in my car and I answered, "Probably." But truthfully, I didn't. I cried a little bit, but that was all. I just felt a sense of peace and comfort. I can't explain how, but at that moment I physically felt God closing the door on pregnancy for me, and I was okay with it. I was ready to figure out what was in store for us next.

I never felt that in vitro was right for us. It just seemed too overwhelming and stressful. So, of course, adoption was the obvious answer for our next step. At that point, I probably did feel like adoption was "Plan B". "Oh, we can't get pregnant, so we'll just adopt." I wasn't necessarily upset about adopting, but that was my mentality about it.

That all changed one day, though, when I was researching adoption agencies. As a bit of personal background information, I will tell you that we don't use contraceptives of any kind in the Thomas household (stick with me, this is going somewhere). We never have and nothing has happened in almost three years, so I don't really feel like wasting money on it. Well, as I was researching, I found an agency that said if you happen to become pregnant during the process, they will immediately put your adoption on hold and not continue working with you at that time.

When I read that statement fear struck into my heart. I was ready to head out to Sam's to buy a bulk package of condoms! haha! But that's when the lightbulb came on in my head. Adoption is where my heart is. It is not my "Plan B". It's exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I regularly keep up with a blog called God's Faithfulness Through Infertility. She and her husband adopted their daughter after they found out they could not have any biological children. She has talked about how she didn't grow up as a little girl dreaming of adopting. She is not living the life she had planned out for herself. Instead, she's living the "Something More" that God had planned for her life and she couldn't be happier. That's the mentality that I have gained now.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be one of those women who accidentally get pregnant. Not to say, though, that pregnancy is a cakewalk. I have a friend who is currently dealing with a very high risk pregnancy. You can follow along with her story here, if you'd like. Prayers and encouragement are much appreciated for her.

But anyway... (sorry, I got off on a tangent). Maybe one day I will become pregnant. But if that does happen, it won't be because we were actively trying. It will only occur through God's will.

But right now, I have never been more sure that God's will for us is adoption. I truly am not even interested in pregnancy right now. I have daydreams in my head of how many children we'll have and what adoption agencies or countries they will come from.

I have yet to meet that child who will make me a mother, but I can already see and feel the beauty of adoption. What else could allow me to hold a wondrous creation...something that looks nothing like me...something that I could not have created myself...and yet, be able to love it and call it my own.

The beauty in that possibility is how I know that adoption is not my "Plan B". It is what I was meant to do. It is my calling.