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I am so happy being married and living with my best friend. We adopted our first child, Ari, in 2011 through a domestic adoption and our second, Jude, in 2014.

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Saturday, March 27, 2010

Leaping Leonard

Today I had the privilege of attending a reading of the children's book Leaping Leonard by the author himself, James Aaron Henley. The website for this book describes it as "a children's story about a boy who possesses supernatural leaping ability. His incredible feats of leaping make him an international star, but fame and fortune are not enough to satisfy his need to leap. The leaps become increasingly dangerous leading Leonard to attempt the unthinkable and risk all that is important." It is a great story with a great cause behind it all.

I get to work with Aaron (aka, Dr. Henley) at his office Owasso Pediatrics and also go to church with him. He just recently wrote this book to help support the ministry he is trying to get started, Bleeding Hearts Ministries. There are many different ideas and goals for this ministry to make an effort to serve struggling families in the Tulsa, OK area. "The dream is to bring a team of professionals and volunteers together in order to provide a support system for those wishing to embrace a life of meaningful spiritual change. It is intended to be a work of the Church outside the walls of church buildings."

The proceeds from the book sales of Leaping Leonard go towards the Bleeding Hearts Ministries. The cost is $20 and will help get this ministry off the ground. It is a wonderful children's book that will benefit the lives of others simply through your purchase. I definitely encourage you to check it out for yourself!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Family Time

Life is good. I am out of my "funk"...or whatever it was. Life may be hard right now, but I am beyond blessed and I will daily count my blessings. One of my many blessings is my awesome family! My grandma is in town this week for the Tulsa Workshop so some of the fam got together last night just to hang out. I love my family and am so blessed by them!

Everyone hangin' out in the living room.

Mike and Ashlee just chillin'. They don't look too excited to be hanging out with their in-law fam... haha! But I swear they like us!

Michael found some of his oldie treasures while we were there. Ashlee was thrilled! haha!

Ice cream sundaes were on the menu last night. Yummy!!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Hard Days

Some days infertility just sucks, plain and simple. Actually, it always does, but some days are a lot harder than others. Today is one of those days for me. I try to stay positive because I know that God's plan for my life is far greater than anything I could ever even dream of...but that doesn't mean that His plan isn't painful at times. So today is simply one of those "hard" days for me.

It's not easy to describe the emotions that can come with infertility. All of it is so overwhelming that if you try to talk about it, you usually just end up crying instead of expressing anything at all! A while back I discovered a song called "So Hard" by The Dixie Chicks. One of the band members wrote it while she and her husband were struggling with fertility issues. There's a part in it that really stands out to me and helps to express some of the emotions I feel. It is:

"And sometimes I don't have the energy
To prove everybody wrong
And I try my best to be strong
But you know it's so hard
It's so hard

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard when it doesn't come fast
It's so hard when it doesn't come easy
It's so hard

It felt like a given
Something a woman's born to do
A natural ambition
To see a reflection of me and you

And I'd feel so guilty
If that was a gift I couldn't give
And could you be happy
If life wasn't how we pictured it?"

The part that strikes me the most is about how getting pregnant is something so natural that woman are just supposed to be able to do. None of us would be here if it weren't for pregnancy. It kills me sometimes that I may not be able to participate in that and contribute to human life in that way. I may not ever be able to see the reflection of Mike and I in a child. I will be a mother one day. I have no doubts about that. But I do not know if I will ever be pregnant. And some days that's all just a little too hard.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

On To Plan B...If We Even Know What That Is

On Wednesday Mike and I found out that our first round of IUI didn't take. It was to be expected, since it hardly ever happens on the first try, but it was still hard news to hear regardless. Although we trust in God's plan and what He has designed for our lives, we still hope and pray on a daily basis for that little miracle to show up. But since it didn't, we were moving on to the next step. Our original plan was to simply begin another round of IUI once I started a cycle again. However, that plan seemed to change on Friday.

For those who are sensitive to "womanly" things, stop reading now...

On Friday I started another cycle. Now, due to my endometriosis, my cycles are always extremely painful. I'm usually in a good amount of pain for two or three days leading up to my cycle and then the actual day of, there's no chance that I'm going anywhere. It's generally just a "lay in sweat pants with my feet up" type of day, all day long. The pain is extreme and nausea is a common symptom to keep the pain company.

This last cycle, though, was the worst one that I have ever had. I could hardly walk this day and the nausea was intense. I knew I was in need of some help when I was sitting down, but felt the nausea growing. There was no way I would have been able to make it to the toilet on time because I was moving so slowly and probably would have just ended up vomiting all over myself. It was then that I called my husband. His hours at work are strict and he only has so much time that he can take off, so he wasn't able to leave. I called my mom to see if she had a break in her day coming up soon so that she could just come over real quick to set me up on the couch with a barf bucket and some crackers (because there's no way I could have crawled into the kitchen). As soon as she heard from me she found a sub for her classroom for the rest of the day and came straight over to my house. Since we live so close to Mike's work he was able to take his 15 minute break and come over until my mom got there. The rest of the day I was pampered as much as possible while I barfed and barfed and cried and cried due to the pain.

This is where the change in our plans comes into play. I was in so much pain on Friday that my mother contemplated multiple times taking me to the ER because she feared there was something actually wrong with my appendix. It was all just the endometriosis though. This probably means that there's a lot more endo growing and it could be totally pointless to be doing these fertility treatments. So the new plan for now is to check back in with my doctor and see what he thinks about possibly doing surgery again to check out my insides and see how thick the endo is. That way we'll know exactly what we're dealing with at this point in time and can see what we need to be doing with that info. So until then we will just continue to put our faith and trust in God, knowing that He has the ultimate perfect plan in mind for our lives.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Welcome To The World, Baby Kate

I'm a little late on getting around to writing this, but almost a week ago our sweet friends daughter, Kate, was born. She is more precious beyond anything I could imagine. She is the perfect little snuggler and has the sweetest coo's and squeaks.

I had honestly been a little afraid and nervous leading up to the time that she had been born. She was the first little baby in our group of friends to arrive since Mike and I have been real deep into the process of trying to get pregnant ourselves. I thought it would be too emotionally overwhelming to go up to the hospital to see her and our friends. I thought I would barely be able to be there for five minutes and wouldn't want
to go back again. However, everything was completely different from that. From the second I held her I was totally smitten. I was addicted and in love!! I couldn't have enjoyed being around her more and couldn't have been more happy for our friends. In fact, I was so in love that I spent 5 hours up at the hospital with her the next day!

By all means, being there definitely made me want one of my own even more, but not in a sad or depressing way. Simply in a "Oh my gosh, she's so stinking cute, I must have one!!" type of way. I am thrilled for our friends to have this beautiful daughter in their lives and anticipate even more the day that God reveals to me what He has planned for my life.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Another Birthday Year

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday. Birthday's, for myself personally, aren't a terribly big deal. They come and go quite quickly, but it's still nice to do a few things just to celebrate yourself. I had a very nice day with several people I love and whom I know love me as well.

I started off my day by getting to babysit my cutie patootie nieces and nephew. Sol was asleep for most of the time, but the girls and I got to have a great time together. Those kiddos have a very large piece of my heart and I love them so much! They are simply a joy to be around. It was truly a birthday present for me to get to just hang out with them! After Michael and Ashlee (my brother and sister-in-law) got back home, with a Sonic drink for me!, we all got to hang out for a little while. It was great to just be around some family I love on my birthday.

Later that night Mike and I went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant, Olivetto, with our good friends Chris, Amelia, Ryland, and Jerod.
None of us had ever been there before and I love Italian food, so they thought it would be a fun place

to go. It was very yummy food and we had a very fun waiter! He even personally sang "Happy Birthday" to me, slightly boy band style. The boys weren't very impressed, but us girls were... haha! We then got a deep dish cookie with ice cream on top for dessert, which came with five shot glasses of milk. It was so cute! It was a great restaurant and I will definitely be going back!

Like I said, my personal birthday isn't a very big deal to me. I like to just keep things simple, so this was a lovely day for me. I got to be around my loving husband, some of my family, and some of our best friends. What can be better than that?? I am very blessed and am thankful for another year to spend with all of these people.

Our deep dish cookie with shot glasses of milk

Toasting our shot glasses. Apparently Chris didn't want to...

Ryland eating some lemon

He makes the most awful/most cute faces ever when he takes bites! But I swear he likes them! lol He always wants more.

My Target brand cupcakes from the hubs. We love them so much and get them for each other every year! It's a bit of a tradition.