Party Time!

Yesterday we got together with family and friends to celebrate my niece, Abijah, and the wonderful event of her turning three! She had a great Dora party by the pool! It was a really fun and relaxing time. It was so nice to get to just hang out with everyone for a little bit.

Everyone hanging out and enjoying the pool.

Nana and Ethne swimming around.

Sol enjoying some juice.

Michael and Sol swimming around.

Singing "Happy Birthday" to Abijah.

Showing me how old she is now.

Hair glitter from Mike and I!

And a Minnie Mouse shopping cart!

I can hardly believe that this little girl is three now. When she was first born she had to spend 10 days in the NICU due to her lungs not being fully developed, but you would never be able to guess that about her now! This girl is so spunky and full of life. She is always on the go and is always making me laugh over the craziest, silliest things! She is so much fun and a true joy to be around. I am very blessed to get to be one of her aunts!

World Cup Madness

I know most of you check this blog for our infertility updates, but we try to make it a point to not let infertility be our lives. Therefore, we usually have a lot of other stuff going on! I plan to, hopefully, blog about all of that extra stuff while also keeping infertility updates on here whenever there's something new to tell. With that being said, onto World Cup Madness... :)

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The hubs loves soccer. Plain and simple. He his very passionate about it and pretty much is always talking about it. Fortunately, pretty much all of his guy friends feel the exact same way! And as for me, well, I love sports because the hubs loves sports!

Last Friday the World Cup kicked off (no pun intended) and made most of the wives in our group of friends "World Cup Widows" for the next month! Last Saturday the US played against England. That was a pretty big and exciting game so we decided we definitely needed to have a party for it! There were even early games (6:00 am & 9:00 am) that some guys came over for! We grilled out all day, ate lots of food, relaxed, and just enjoyed watching soccer with some of our best friends. All together we had 11 adults and 4 children for the day. It was a great time and we were really happy to have everyone over!

Some yummy sauce for the wings!!

The hubs grilling the chicken wings.

Me and the Grill Master!

That would be the hubs and my brother taking the bench off our swing so they could use the frame as a goal while the guys played around outside! haha!

They just crack me up! Boys will be boys and there's just not much you can do to change that. (Not that I'd even want to!) :)

Some of the food line up!

I love baking and, of course, had to make some treats for the day! Here we have Symphony Brownies, Strawberry Cake Balls, and Butterfinger Brownies.

Game watching time!

More game watching! (And no, that flag isn't always hanging off of our fireplace mantle. That was the hubs's touch of decorating for the party! haha!)

An Infertility Update

The title says it all. It's been a little bit since I've said anything specific about what we're up to right now (in)fertility wise, so here's a quick little update.

A month ago we were told by my doctor that we would most likely never conceive on our own, or through IUI. That left the options of building our family through either IVF or adoption. When I first heard this I had such a strong desire to be pregnant. I wanted to create life myself, feel life growing inside of me, and give birth to that life. I have dreamed of being pregnant since I was a little girl. It's simply what I've always seen myself doing, multiple and multiple times. ;)

However, in this past month I have not been able to get adoption out of my head. Or maybe I should say more accurately, God has put adoption in my head and won't let me stop thinking about it. It's definitely been an interesting month thinking through all of this.

We've always known if we go the adoption route that we would use this agency (don't really want to write out the name so that my blog won't show up when the agency is Googled). I have started talking a little bit with them through email and gotten the initial paperwork to fill out. The only hinderance for now, as I have previously mentioned, is the fact that the hubs no longer has a job past mid-August. We wouldn't be able to get approved financially for this process until there's something concrete in place for when his summer job ends.

So that's where our focus is for now...find another job! He's really interested in doing something with his degree (Broadcast Journalism), so if anyone knows of some radio jobs out there let us know! It's definitely been a struggle to suddenly be so ready to pursue this, but have to wait because of the job situation. Sometimes it's really, really hard to imagine what God is up to when the "getting there" is so difficult right now, but we know and trust that the end result will be amazing!

The Wonderful World of Geocaching

Well, the hubs and I have started geocaching and we are having an absolute blast doing it! If you don't know what geocaching is, here's the description from their website: "Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. Geocaching is enjoyed by people from all age groups, with a strong sense of community and support for the environment." Or, for a more casual description, some people have been known to say, "I use multi-million dollar satellites to find tupperware in the woods. What's your hobby?"

My brother and sister-in-law have been doing this for a while now and the hubs and I just started four days ago. We've already found 23 caches. We're just a little bit addicted! haha!

If I haven't said it before, let me say, infertility is stressful. Very, very stressful. If you let it, it can very easily consume your life. In fact, it quite often consumes many marriages. We, however, absolutely refuse to let that happen to us. Infertility is simply a condition we have; it is not who we are. We must keep our relationship and marriage at the forefront of our daily lives, not our infertility. (And here's where this little paragraph ties into geocaching... haha!) That's why all of this has been so nice. It's just been great to spend the time together and find a new hobby that we both enjoy doing.

Okay, enough about all of that. Now here's some fun pictures of geocaching! haha!

Some caches have very interesting containers!

And some have very interesting locations.

And some are very, very small!

Some have what are called "travel bugs" inside of them. We found this one which is racing two others to Longmont, CO. We are heading to New Mexico soon, so we plan on placing it inside of another cache then to get it closer to its destination!

Heading way into the woods for a cache. Mike ended up with two ticks on him after this one and I had one.

Finally found it! Phew!

The Hubs

Just a head's up, this entire post is going to be dedicated to how awesome my husband is. So if you don't like the mushy, gushy stuff...turn away now. You've been warned. ;)

Last May the hubs graduated from college with a degree in Broadcast Journalism. He loves radio work and is really good at what he does. However, radio jobs are very few and far between right now. After college he continued his job at an Apple retail store for several months, but that was very quickly becoming frustrating. Let's face it, retail jobs just suck. One of our best friends, Amelia, works with Special Ed children and after Mike spent an evening talking with her he thought this might be something he would like to explore.

For the last 7 months he has been working as a para professional with children who have special needs such as autism, mental handicaps, and Down Syndrome. This has not been an easy job. It requires strong patience and the task of quite often being a bathroom wiper. It is certainly not something for the weak. I could never do it, but he has loved his time there and I dare say that he has blessed those children's lives for the better.

The only hard thing about all of this is that school positions aren't terribly safe right now. There are layoff's all the time and you never know when they're going to hit. But Mike got hit on Monday. He was told that it simply wasn't in the budget for him to have a job next year. He was devastated. Who wouldn't be?? It was also hard to not take it personally. He was not fired...he simply was laid off because he was the most recent para to join the school, which made him the first to go. It's still not a fun feeling, no matter the reason.

Our lives haven't been easy over the past two years. We've been incredibly blessed in certain areas, but we've also been struggling with infertility that entire time. Now, just as soon as we're getting deep into making a very costly decision about IVF or adoption, he gets laid off. But here's where the hubs gets amazing... (as if he wasn't amazing enough already for having that job).

Mike was upset over this circumstance for maybe a few hours that evening. Then he put back on his annoyingly wonderful and optimistic happy pants. ;) This is what he told me... It was obvious God had another plan for him, otherwise this wouldn't have happened. He simply needs to find the door that God now wants him to walk through. He said if he ever cried over this it would be tears of joy because he knows that God has something great in store for him and he can't wait to figure out what it is.

Umm, wow! Like I said, my husband is amazing. I am so blessed to get to walk through this difficult infertility journey with him. Somedays it seems like the hits just never stop coming, but as long as he keeps wearing those annoying happy pants and as long as we seek God first, I know we will come out on top through all of this.

Scratch That Last Plan

Oh, how one day can change everything. Wait, no. Oh, how just 15 minutes spent with your doctor can change everything!

On Friday I had a follow up appointment with my doctor regarding my surgery. We went over what he found and then discussed where we would go from here. I told him that our wishful thinking makes us want to be able to get pregnant on our now that I've had this surgery. He talked about my problems and any issues the hubs may have. He then very bluntly, yet so sweetly, told me that with our combined problems the chance of us conceiving a child on our own or through IUI is 0%. Ooouuuccchhh!! Can you imagine how that knocked the wind out of me??

Now, this man has a knack for always being able to tell when I'm about to cry. He also has a knack for always making me cry! I think he does it on purpose!! But right after that little kick in the gut he told me not to fall apart and to stick with him. He said not in a million years would he tell someone that they would never get pregnant on their own. It's always possible. After all, it only takes one egg and one sperm. But...the stats and numbers exist for a reason.

So where does he say that brings us to...oh yes, IVF (in vitro fertilization). If we want to get pregnant this is where our money needs to be spent. Our family will be built through IVF and/or adoption. Both are incredibly expensive and both are incredibly stressful, but we have to choose one for now.

Truly, right now, my heart is in IVF. I want to create a life. I want to feel life growing inside of me. I want to give birth to life. I want to see my features reflected back in that life. I will not be ashamed of having these feelings either. I believe that they are all natural feelings for a woman.

There's a lot of research, saving money, and prayer to be done before we proceed with anything. But we will proceed. I just can't sit back anymore. We have been trying for 20 months now and we must press on. As Dr. Nilson said to me before I left his office, "You will have a baby. It might take a while and you might have to use a lot of money, but you can get pregnant." (Like I said, I think he tries to make me cry on purpose!) I really believe what he says. One way or another, our family will expand. We will be parents. Through lots of prayer (and lots of Google-ing!) I believe we will reach a concrete decision soon of where we are headed. Stay tuned. :)

Back to Real Life

This week I have started going back to work full time, which means everything is going back to "real life." The pain pills from the surgery are gone and almost all of the pain itself is gone as well. Even though I enjoyed it, as much as I could while just sitting on my bum, "vacation" time is over. I was blessed during the last two weeks to have a great husband always taking care of me, a great mom always checking in on me, and a great group of coworkers always dropping by with meals! I really know some truly great people!

But, like I said, it is back to "real life" now and I'm okay with that. That simply means that we are moving onward. I try to look forward to what we have ahead of us, but at the same time I'm terrified. I'm absolutely terrified that there may be no close end in sight to our struggle. Infertility is so incredibly draining on life and marriage. It can be draining emotionally, financially, physically, and yes, even sexually. I have to daily choose to put on a smile and have a positive attitude, and that is not always an easy choice.

The future is so unknown. We have our plans for the moment...now after the surgery we'll try on our own for about three more months while still looking for adoption opportunities. Once our three months are up we may look further into doing some IVF treatments in St. Louis. I can only hope that our earthly plans are somewhere in line with God's Heavenly plans. But if there's anything I've learned in the past 20 months of trying to get pregnant, it's to not count on any of my plans! We will just continue on into the scary, unknown future with Him by our side, and somehow, someway we will make it through with the ultimate plan finally being clear. Someday.