Back to Real Life

This week I have started going back to work full time, which means everything is going back to "real life." The pain pills from the surgery are gone and almost all of the pain itself is gone as well. Even though I enjoyed it, as much as I could while just sitting on my bum, "vacation" time is over. I was blessed during the last two weeks to have a great husband always taking care of me, a great mom always checking in on me, and a great group of coworkers always dropping by with meals! I really know some truly great people!

But, like I said, it is back to "real life" now and I'm okay with that. That simply means that we are moving onward. I try to look forward to what we have ahead of us, but at the same time I'm terrified. I'm absolutely terrified that there may be no close end in sight to our struggle. Infertility is so incredibly draining on life and marriage. It can be draining emotionally, financially, physically, and yes, even sexually. I have to daily choose to put on a smile and have a positive attitude, and that is not always an easy choice.

The future is so unknown. We have our plans for the moment...now after the surgery we'll try on our own for about three more months while still looking for adoption opportunities. Once our three months are up we may look further into doing some IVF treatments in St. Louis. I can only hope that our earthly plans are somewhere in line with God's Heavenly plans. But if there's anything I've learned in the past 20 months of trying to get pregnant, it's to not count on any of my plans! We will just continue on into the scary, unknown future with Him by our side, and somehow, someway we will make it through with the ultimate plan finally being clear. Someday.