Oh, how one day can change everything. Wait, no. Oh, how just 15 minutes spent with your doctor can change everything!
On Friday I had a follow up appointment with my doctor regarding my surgery. We went over what he found and then discussed where we would go from here. I told him that our wishful thinking makes us want to be able to get pregnant on our now that I've had this surgery. He talked about my problems and any issues the hubs may have. He then very bluntly, yet so sweetly, told me that with our combined problems the chance of us conceiving a child on our own or through IUI is 0%. Ooouuuccchhh!! Can you imagine how that knocked the wind out of me??
Now, this man has a knack for always being able to tell when I'm about to cry. He also has a knack for always making me cry! I think he does it on purpose!! But right after that little kick in the gut he told me not to fall apart and to stick with him. He said not in a million years would he tell someone that they would never get pregnant on their own. It's always possible. After all, it only takes one egg and one sperm. But...the stats and numbers exist for a reason.
So where does he say that brings us to...oh yes, IVF (in vitro fertilization). If we want to get pregnant this is where our money needs to be spent. Our family will be built through IVF and/or adoption. Both are incredibly expensive and both are incredibly stressful, but we have to choose one for now.
Truly, right now, my heart is in IVF. I want to create a life. I want to feel life growing inside of me. I want to give birth to life. I want to see my features reflected back in that life. I will not be ashamed of having these feelings either. I believe that they are all natural feelings for a woman.
There's a lot of research, saving money, and prayer to be done before we proceed with anything. But we will proceed. I just can't sit back anymore. We have been trying for 20 months now and we must press on. As Dr. Nilson said to me before I left his office, "You will have a baby. It might take a while and you might have to use a lot of money, but you can get pregnant." (Like I said, I think he tries to make me cry on purpose!) I really believe what he says. One way or another, our family will expand. We will be parents. Through lots of prayer (and lots of Google-ing!) I believe we will reach a concrete decision soon of where we are headed. Stay tuned. :)