Officially Ours!

Little Pirate has always been our boy ever since we laid eyes on him. But last Friday, September 21st, a judge made it so in the eyes of the law. I am officially a mommy, the hubs is officially a daddy, and Little Pirate is officially stuck with us forever! ;)

It really was altogether a great experience. Our judge was really relaxed and easy going, cracking jokes the whole time. Little Pirate was way overdue for a nap and super squirmy, but still did well.

I'm just so thankful that after nearly 14 months this process is done and we are forever a family.

Ready in court and listening to the judge.

Could we be any happier??

The moment he was officially declared ours!

With our judge.

Our official family!

With all the grandparents.

With our wonderful attorney and friend.

With his wonderful Aunt Ashlee! September 21st is her birthday and now also Little Pirate's adoption day. Love that they get to share this special day together.

Finalization

Tomorrow we will be at the court house to finalize Little Pirate's adoption. What a wonderfully exciting day! We've been waiting for this for so long. It's something that should have been done when he was 6 months old and now at almost 14 months old we've finally gotten there. Excited doesn't even being to describe my feelings.

But I am, also, having some mixed emotions. Tomorrow Little Pirate will be declared my child. He will be issued a new birth certificate with my name on it stating that I gave birth to him. I know that I'm his mom no matter what, but adoption just isn't as simple as that.

There is another woman in this picture. The woman that gave birth to him and she is so important. It seems like this new birth certificate almost erases her out of the equation.

I am his mom, but she will always be his birth mom and that is so special to me. This all just reminds me so much more that it is my job to keep her memory alive in our family, to speak of her, and to make her known to Little Pirate.

Catching Up

Oh, blogging...what a love/hate relationship we have. I can never make up my mind on if I want to continue this thing or not. Do that many people even blog anymore? Does anyone particular even actually read this blog? Who knows.

All I know is today, I feel like blogging. Next Friday, September 21st, we finally have a court date to finalize Little Pirate's adoption. There's a ton of thoughts swirling around my head about this that I need to write down, so that will be coming. But for now, I'll just play a little catch up.

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Since I was last on here our little family, of course, got to celebrate Mothers Day and Fathers Day. What wonderful firsts for us! The days were simple and blissful. We just enjoyed time set aside to celebrate parenthood and our sweet little boy who made us become parents.

We also took the time on those days to speak to Little Pirate about his birth mom, B. I want her name to be a known thing around our house. She will always be a big part of us and the reason we are a family. We are so thankful for her.

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© Jenny White Photography

On June 2nd we lost this amazing man, my grandfather. He had been sick for awhile. In and out of the hospital for several years with the doctors always saying, "We think this is it this time." But he would shock them, get better, and leave the hospital. This seriously happened over and over again. What a strong man he was. But this time, it really was it. He was ready to go home.

I never want to forget the last time I was with him, so I'm writing it down here.

I got a phone call from my mom around 5:00am saying that he was unconscious, in his last few hours, and if I wanted to say goodbye I needed to come to the hospital. I immediately threw some clothes on and headed out the door. When I got there my parents, grandmother, aunt and uncle, and two cousins were already in the room. We all sat together and cried together in almost complete silence. After a little while I decided I was ready to say goodbye. I walked over to him, held his hand, and gave him a kiss on the forehead. I then whispered to him, "You deserve this. You've waited your whole life for this and you deserve to go home now. I love you."

This is a picture I took of him and his beloved bride (as he still liked to call her) in their last few moments together. He died the day after their 58th wedding anniversary. There's something very special about that to me...I know he held on long enough to honor that. In fact, the day of their anniversary he was still conscious and called my mom to make sure she had some flowers delivered to my grandmother from him. They had a love that truly inspired everyone around them.

I am so thankful that my grandfather was able to be around for the first 10 months of Little Pirate's life. It makes me so happy that they knew each other. My grandfather loved him so much and would ask me almost on a weekly basis if the adoption was finalized yet. I so wish he could be here next week when we got to the court house. But, of course, I know he will be with us no matter what.



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In June the hubs and I participated in The Color Run with my brother and sister-in-law. We had such a great time! It truly is the happiest 5K on the planet.

And then in July we all went on a family vacation together to New Mexico. As always, family vacations are crazy, so much fun, and totally exhausting. haha! We really enjoyed being with everyone for a week and taking Little Pirate on his first vacation.

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© Jenny White Photography

On August 8th my baby boy turned 1!! How is that even possible? What a great year we've had with him. It went by faster than I could have ever imagined and I know it's not slowing down at all. I just have to hold on and savor every moment.

We had a pirate birthday party with all our great friends and family. It was fun and simple. We really appreciated everyone coming out and celebrating this time with us.

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So there's my attempt at catching up a little bit. Our life really isn't that exciting, so I just don't think about blogging much. Maybe there will be more, maybe there won't. I'll just have to try and give it some time when inspiration strikes me.

Thanks for reading, if there's anyone out there! ;)

The Joy and Pain of Mother's Day

What a bittersweet holiday this is for me now. Let's be honest, it used to just be bitter. I spent three years avoiding every thought about this holiday. But now I am a mom. I finally get to be honored and thought of on this holiday. And yet, it's still a little bitter.

You see, I am still an infertile. No matter how many beautiful babies I am blessed to adopt in this life, I will always be infertile. And my heart aches on this holiday for my sisters struggling with the same issue.

I also cannot even give an ounce of thought to myself on this holiday without giving a thousand more to Little Pirate's birth mom, B.

And these thoughts simply lead me to many other mom roles that I just have to address.

To those women who have never been a mom (whether through birth, adopting, fostering...anything), but still fulfill a mother role to some... You bless so many people. I am lucky to have one of these in my life. My sweet second mom. You women are amazing and I promise, people are thankful to have you as a mom in their life.

To those women who have lost a child (in the womb or at any age)... Please don't doubt for a minute that you are a mother. Know that you and your child are remembered, thought of, and loved. I know that your babies are celebrating your name in Heaven.

To those women who are struggling with infertility... My heart aches for you this weekend. I've been there and I know the pain of just trying to make it through another holiday celebrating everything you don't have. Please know that you are a mother. It is in your heart, it is in your dreams, it is who you are.

To those women who are birth mom's... You are the epitome of the love and sacrifice that is required to be a mother. Please know that you are to be honored and remembered this weekend. Please know that you are loved and appreciated. Please, please know that you are never forgotten.

Mother's Day just isn't a simple holiday. It involves too many different roles and emotions. Please remember this as you go through the weekend. Celebrate all women as mothers and let them know that they are honored and loved.

Uninhibited

This morning at church the hubs, Little Pirate, and I sat with my parents. We normally sit on the opposite side of the auditorium from them with our friends and all their kids. But Little Pirate has had a yucky cough, so I didn't want to risk getting any of the other kids sick.

Now just a little info on my parents... They are very bold in their faith. They are not ashamed of it and will praise God anyway they see fit. They are great role models.

So this morning while we were singing songs my parents both lifted their hands up in praise to the Lord. This isn't uncommon for them to do. But we don't usually sit with them, so Little Pirate was very intrigued.

He was staring at them the whole time. He just couldn't keep his eyes off of them. He kept reaching for them and touching my mom's hand. He was in awe of them being in awe of the Lord.

It was a beautiful moment for me. It was just so sweet to watch him watching them. I prayed right then that he may grow up to have that kind of passion for the Lord. That he may experience the joy that comes from worshipping completely uninhibited.

I'm so thankful that he has such wonderful grandparents to be an example of this to him.

National Infertility Awareness Week

It is currently National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28). This is something that is still very close to my heart. I will always be an infertile. The joy of adoption is not a cure for infertility.

I truly feel that God has called me to build my family through adoption. I know that it is a part of His plan for my life. But infertility still hurts.

I no longer have the desire to be pregnant. But I do sometimes wish that I could build my family more easily. I have always dreamed of having four children, but I've had to slowly let go of that. It may still happen, who knows. But it's very unlikely.

Adoption is expensive. Yes, we all know that. But it is something that makes growing your family very difficult. I can't even imagine the ease of wanting to add to your family, so you just get pregnant. It's so simple. And yet so far out of my reach.

Adding more children to my family involves a lot of research, a lot of decisions, and a lot of money saving. I have no idea when we'll add more, but yes, we are already having to save for #2 even though it's probably years away.

My son is my joy. I have a passion for adoption now. But infertility will always be a part of my life.

It is now estimated that almost 1 out of 6 couples deal with infertility. You may not think you know someone who suffers from this, but I promise, you do. Please be sensitive to the struggles of people dealing with infertility. Be aware, reach out, and let them know you care.

Happy Easter!

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you." So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.

Matthew 28:5-8

I pray that you all have had a wonderfully blessed Easter weekend with your friends and family as you remember the gift of the Resurrection that Christ gave to us. Today, may your heart be filled with the same joy that those women were filled with that day. And may your belly be filled with a few chocolate bunnies too!

© Jenny White Photography 2012

Prayers, Please

Last night the hubs and I did a little shopping at the mall. I actually hate going to the mall, but I had some birthday money and good coupons...the combo was too much to resist. We ended up being there a little longer than expected, so we decided to get some dinner in the food court.

As we began to wander around the food court trying to decide what to eat, I saw something I will never forget. It caught my eye right away.

I saw a man and two children sitting at one of the many tables. The man's back was to me and I could see the children's faces. Just from seeing the back of him, I could tell that the man was tense and angry. Then I saw the child's face (who was probably no older than 8) that was the object of his anger. I will never forget his face. Terror. Shame. Complete and utter sadness.

As I continued to walk around the food court, pretending to decide on a place to eat, I made a point to walk past their table. It was then that I heard every cuss word imaginable used multiple times. It was all put together to make the point clear that this child was worthless and deserved nothing in life.

I was in complete shock. I didn't know what to do. I desperately wanted to say something. But I didn't want to bring any harm onto my family as I was standing there holding my son. To say that this man was scary and shady looking is quite an understatement.

I also was afraid of simply angering him more and him taking it out on the children later. Fear paralyzed me. I will never be able to decide what the best thing is that I should have done.

Our family sat down at a table and the man and two children left just a few minutes later. I immediately started crying. I couldn't hold it in. Like I said before, I will never forget the fear and sadness that was on the child's face. So I just sat there and cried in the middle of the food court.

I kept hoping that a camera crew from ABC's show "What Would You Do?" was going to pop up out of nowhere, assure me that everything was staged, and ask my opinion on the situation. But there were no cameras, no lights, no friendly TV host.

After I was able to dry up my tears a little bit, I held my son tight. I hugged him. I kissed him. I told him over and over again how important and special he was.

Then I prayed. It was the only thing I could safely do in that situation. And that's the point of this post. To ask for prayers. Please pray for this little boy...for his safety, protection, and self-esteem. Please also pray for that man...for his anger issues, for his heart, and for his self-esteem as well.

I'm not sure the guilt will ever leave for not saying anything. But the fear of the child having more repercussions later because of my actions stopped me. So all that's left to do is pray. I beg everyone that's reading this to please just pray.

I'm a Runner?

Yes, the title is meant to have a question mark. It's something I ask myself almost on a daily basis. I very easily psyche myself out and say I'm not fast enough, athletic enough, strong enough, etc. to be a runner. I convince myself that I simply can't be a runner.

But here's the thing...

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run." John Bingham

Even as I type that quote though, I can still hear the voice in the back of my head telling me I'm too slow. Too slow to be "allowed" to be a runner.

However, despite my own self-doubts, I ran a St. Patrick's Day 5K with my sister-in-law last Saturday. I absolutely loved running it with her! She pushed me to run longer than I wanted to and was so encouraging.

My official chip time was 45:22. Honestly, that's pretty horrible as far as most seasoned runners are concerned. But for that length of a run, it was a personal best for me. I also achieved my personal best mile time that day which was 13:35. And I'm going to be proud of those slow, but good for me times.

I'm finally beginning to get to the point where I actually enjoy running. I look forward to it. I'm motivated to improve my times and endurance. I just have to keep pressing on, tell the little voice in my head to shut up, and recognize that I am a runner.

Loved seeing this guy waiting for me at the finish line.

Celebratory beers afterwards, of course! (I was holding one for the hubs as well, I promise!)

First Family Vacation

Last weekend we ventured out on our first family vacation. Yes, it was only for the weekend. But that was enough.

A friend of mine was getting married in Dallas and I thought that would be the perfect little weekend getaway for us. Only three hours from home? Well, Little Pirate goes four hours between feedings, so I'm sure that'll be super easy! Only one full day and two nights? Sure, no problem! Hanging out in Dallas for the weekend? Awesome, we can do a lot of fun stuff!

I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.

Let's start with the fact that I woke up Friday morning (the day we left) feeling like crap. Headache, cough, congestion, runny nose. It wasn't pretty and it lasted all weekend.

We hit Dallas just in time for 5:00 traffic on a Friday night. And Little Pirate was completely done with being in the car seat at that point. He cried/screamed/wailed the entire last hour of the trip.

Once we finally arrived in town, our plans for the evening were to walk around Grapevine Mills Mall and have dinner there. We hit up the Rainforest Cafe for dinner first. I thought Little Pirate would love seeing all the different animals there. Nope, wrong again. I'd never been there before and didn't realize how incredibly loud and noisy it is. How is any child not terrified of that place?? Little Pirate was fussy the entire time. We then attempted to walk around the mall for a little bit, but that didn't last long with an overtired, overstimulated baby. We quickly headed back to the hotel exhausted.

On Saturday morning we met up with a local Chelsea FC fan club to watch the game with them. We were told they meet up at a restaurant. But guess what...wrong again! They meet at a bar where there's smoking. Yes, we took our baby to a smoking bar. And for some reason he was allowed in...still haven't figured that one out. Needless to say, we did not stay there long at all.

Saturday afternoon was pretty much just spent laying around at the hotel and trying to get Little Pirate to take a nap.

Then it was wedding time! But it was raining. Traffic was horrible. We were late. Little Pirate was in a very good mood during the ceremony and thought it would be a good idea to blow raspberries during the vows. He then was not in such a good mood during the reception. Again, overtired and overstimulated. About 45 minutes in he choked on a snack and vomited all over me and the hubs. Yeah, we left right after that.

On our way back to the hotel the hubs got a phone call from his friend whom he's helping coach a high school soccer team. You see, in order for us to take this weekend trip to Dallas the hubs missed the teams first tournament. Which they won. In overtime with PK's. Against the team that hadn't given up a single goal in the entire tournament. Yeah, it was a great game and he missed it all. I was so sad for him. He was very nice and fine with it, but I was still sad.

Sunday morning we checked out of the hotel as early as we could and headed home. We were ready to end our mini-vacation.

But really, for all the things that went wrong, we still had a good time. The hubs and I had a great time on our drive there and back just hanging out and talking. We got to see some old friends and have lunch with them on our way to Dallas. Little Pirate slept all night long both nights in his pack 'n play. I was very proud of him for that. On Saturday night, after the wedding, the three of us got to swim all by ourselves in the hotel pool. Little Pirate was quiet enough with his raspberries during the wedding that just the people around us were able to hear and, thankfully, laughed. He also caught the attention of the photographer and hammed it up for a few pictures that I'm sure are adorable. We found a very yummy place to eat in Dallas called Fuzzy's Taco Shop. I got to see a wonderful friend get married at an absolutely beautiful wedding. And I'm sure I could go on.

We had a wonderfully, exhausting first family vacation. But I don't think we'll be taking another one anytime soon. Unless, of course, grandparents are on the trip as well!

Ready for his first trip to Texas!

Keeping a close hand on Dad while at the Rainforest Cafe.

And eventually moved to his lap!

A new aspect to vacations...washing bottles in the bathroom sink.

My handsome boy and I ready for the wedding.

Love my guys.

The beautiful bride!

A few snuggles before bedtime...which happened to include some very eager pats on the head.

He loved rolling around on the hotel bed.

And possibly his favorite part of the trip...looking out our hotel window. He was obsessed with it!

Moments to Remember

Today, on February 22nd, it was an amazing 72 degrees outside. Absolutely beautiful weather. Little Pirate and I decided to play outside for a little bit.

It was probably the first time he's been outside for an extend period of time. It was so fun to watch him check everything out. Watch our dog run around, follow all the birds with his eyes, pat the grass, attempt to eat the grass, and enjoy all the new things there was to see. He had some sweet potatoes to eat and took about 45 minutes to finish the one serving. This is something he'd typically finish in 10 minutes or less. He was definitely having a fun time.

I loved watching my boy explore new things. I loved talking to him about everything we were seeing in God's creation. I loved being a Mommy and son just getting some fresh air together.

6 Months

On February 8th my sweet baby boy turned 6 months old. I haven't been a very good "Mommy Blogger", but a milestone like being 6 months old is enough to make me return. We'll see how long it last. ;)

I can't even begin to explain what an overwhelmingly wonderful feeing it is to have been a mommy to Little Pirate for half a year now. I spent three years crying on almost a weekly basis over my infertility and empty arms. Now I have spent six months crying (happy tears) on almost a weekly basis over my full arms.

Not to say that Mommyhood is all sunshine and roses. I am currently typing this with one hand while holding a finally asleep Little Pirate who has been very fussy all day. Dang teething. But I'm holding my boy. My arms are full and it's such an amazing feeling.

Little Pirate is a wonderful baby. We really lucked out. He's truly only fussy when he's tired, hungry, or teething. Otherwise he's a happy little guy who loves smiling and laughing at anyone and everything. My life is so richly blessed because of him.

Loves playing in the bath.

Swim lessons!

© Jenny White Photography

Wearing the same tie he wore in his newborn pictures.
© Jenny White Photography

© Jenny White Photography

© Jenny White Photography