You know how people say, "Be careful what you ask God for. He just might give it to you!"? For example: If you pray for patience, He's not going to give you patience. He's going to give you opportunities to be patient.
Well, I feel like that's how my life is right now. But let's be honest, I'm ready for a baby, so I have not been praying for patience in that area! So, whoever it is out there that thinks I need more patience, knock it off! Just kidding, just kidding.
But really, the waiting is killing me. Without warning, the infertility blues have snuck back into my life and they are holding on tight to my heart. I think all the busyness of needing to get so much adoption paperwork done was a great distraction for me.
But now, that's over. There's no paperwork left to do. (Granted, we do still need about $21,000 for our fees, so that should keep me plenty busy!) We are now just waiting. And waiting. And waiting. We are waiting on someone to look at our profile and think we look "nice".
Everyone keeps telling me that our baby is "just around the corner". But I don't feel that way. At all. I feel like we're in for a much longer wait than anyone thought.
I know the wait shouldn't matter, because we are waiting on the perfect baby that God has planned for us. I know that. I don't doubt that for a second. But the wait is still so hard. I've been trying to become a mommy for three years now. I just want to be one already.
But I will continue to wait. I will wait on the Lord and His perfect timing. I will try and be thankful for that crazy person out there praying for me to have more patience. And I will continue to dream about and pray for my baby every day until they're in my arms.