An Update on Life

Well, apparently someone *cough*TerryRush!*cough* thinks I need to update this lil' 'ol thing. My life isn't all that exciting. Its just me, the hubs, and the two little cats that snuck their way into our lives a few months ago when we rescued them. But there have been some things going on with us lately that might be worthy to write about...and this could even allow me to vent a little when things simply get too frustrating. So, here it is...

As of Tuesday of this week Mike and I began the process of going through intrauterine insemination (IUI). Our story of how this all started is a long and complicated one, but here's the shortest way I can tell you about it...

In December of 2007, when we were still just engaged, I had surgery and was diagnosed with endometriosis. We got married six months later and have been trying to get pregnant ever since then because we know that, due to the endometriosis, there is less of a chance to conceive the longer we wait. This Sunday, Valentine's Day, will mark 20 months since we got married...a very long 20 months of trying to get pregnant. After we hit the year mark last summer we went to the Tulsa Fertility Center, but once we had spent lots and lots of money there for just three office visits and some lab work, we had to stop going. Just recently I had a friend at work refer me to her gynecologist (the great Dr. Nilson) who is able to do IUI himself for a heck of a lot cheaper than a fertility center. So that's where we're at right now. I am currently pumping my body full of hormones and trying not to drive the hubs crazy!

At this point in our journey I am actually more scared, and nervous, and sad than I have been the past 20 months. We've talked about doing infertility treatments for so long that now that we're actually at that point...I'm terrified. My husband has turned hopeful and optimistic and I have turned terrified and pessimistic. Our odds for IUI working are not high. The doctor said himself that it probably won't work. Our best bet would be to do in vitro (IVF), but that is a lot more expensive and we would have to go to another fertility clinic for that. So we're giving the IUI a shot for now.

I have been afraid to tell anyone, even our closest friends, that we've actually started this process now, because I'm dreading the time when they're all waiting to hear the results and I have to tell them that it didn't work. (See, there's the pessimistic attitude!) I feel that I need to have some sense of low expectations so that I am not overly disappointed if nothing comes from this, especially since it almost never works on the first try. But I also keep thinking about how my lovely sister-in-law, Ashlee, told me that I can't already go into this defeated. I am in the process of trying to find some happy medium between those two attitudes.

The best thing that my sister-in-law has told me though is this: One day my child will ask me how much I love them or where they came from. And even if this process works or not, it will still be a huge part of their story. That's what I'm holding onto right now. No matter if we get pregnant on the first or third try of IUI, we one day get pregnant on our own, or we adopt...this is all a part of the story. I will try to keep up with this lil' 'ol blog and be as honest and open as I can. So come along and join me for the story...it's bound to be interesting!