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I am so happy being married and living with my best friend. We adopted our first child, Ari, in 2011 through a domestic adoption and our second, Jude, in 2014.

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Saturday, May 12, 2012

The Joy and Pain of Mother's Day

What a bittersweet holiday this is for me now. Let's be honest, it used to just be bitter. I spent three years avoiding every thought about this holiday. But now I am a mom. I finally get to be honored and thought of on this holiday. And yet, it's still a little bitter.

You see, I am still an infertile. No matter how many beautiful babies I am blessed to adopt in this life, I will always be infertile. And my heart aches on this holiday for my sisters struggling with the same issue.

I also cannot even give an ounce of thought to myself on this holiday without giving a thousand more to Little Pirate's birth mom, B.

And these thoughts simply lead me to many other mom roles that I just have to address.

To those women who have never been a mom (whether through birth, adopting, fostering...anything), but still fulfill a mother role to some... You bless so many people. I am lucky to have one of these in my life. My sweet second mom. You women are amazing and I promise, people are thankful to have you as a mom in their life.

To those women who have lost a child (in the womb or at any age)... Please don't doubt for a minute that you are a mother. Know that you and your child are remembered, thought of, and loved. I know that your babies are celebrating your name in Heaven.

To those women who are struggling with infertility... My heart aches for you this weekend. I've been there and I know the pain of just trying to make it through another holiday celebrating everything you don't have. Please know that you are a mother. It is in your heart, it is in your dreams, it is who you are.

To those women who are birth mom's... You are the epitome of the love and sacrifice that is required to be a mother. Please know that you are to be honored and remembered this weekend. Please know that you are loved and appreciated. Please, please know that you are never forgotten.

Mother's Day just isn't a simple holiday. It involves too many different roles and emotions. Please remember this as you go through the weekend. Celebrate all women as mothers and let them know that they are honored and loved.

14 comments:

Amanda Wills said...

love this vanessa...totally made me cry!

Vanessa said...

Thank you, Amanda. I cried writing it! :)

Chelsey Dawn Wilks said...

You are amazing! Thanks for your inspiration! :-) Happy Mother's Day!

Tandy Reeves said...

My dear dear grandaughter your thoughts are very sweet and warm. However, your old grandad must say this: Vanessa there is a whole lot more to being a mother than birthing a child. Love beyond measure defines a mother. Your "little pirate" as you call that great boy is now loved beyond measure.

Vanessa said...

Oh yes, I know that I'm a mother. Just wanted to point out that I can't help but think of these other women too. It's a tough holiday for a lot of people. Love you, Turkey! :)

Tandy Reeves said...

His little heart belongs to his mom and dad. Vanessa and Mike, and it makes him no difference who his birth mother is or was. Maybe, just maybe God has some loving women infertal so they can earn the title of "mother. Just because one receives spern does not make them a mother. It is wonderful people like you that wear the crown of motherhood that are indeed true mothers. May your special day be full of joy and may God bless you for being a loving mother. Turkey & MiMi.

Vanessa said...

It may matter to him one day who is birth mom is and I want him to always know that I loved and respected her. She gave us a beautiful gift and I was always be thankful for her. To me, she is a mom and is an important piece of our son. Adoption and the relationships it brings about is very different these days. However, that doesn't mean I doubt my own role in my son's life. I know I'm his mom and always will be. :) But his birth mom will be thought of by me this weekend.

Brenda Pemberton Matlock said...

So glad Ari is in your lives. kids are one of God's rcihest blessings!

Kasia Pope said...

Jason is adopted and told me that his Mom was the one who raised him and loved on him. With how much you love Ari, you will always be the one he thinks of. Happy Mother's Day

Vanessa said...

Thank you, Kasia. But I don't mind if A thinks of his birth mom. In fact, when he gets older and understands more, I hope he's able to think of her as well on weekends like this. She's a big part of him and who he is.

Rachel said...

Yes, yes, yes. As a fellow infertile adoptive mother, I, too, find this weekend to be so very bittersweet. I don't even really have the right words, but I understand you exactly. And my family doesn't really understand that I refer to our son as "our" son, meaning his birthmom's, too. Bittersweet...perfect word.

But I do hope you find some joy in tomorrow!

The Kellys said...

As a child that was adopted as an infant, I was always aware of my birth mother, although I didn't meet her until I was 18. My parents made sure that I understood she was an important part of my life. I never celebrated her on Mother's Day before that, and I still don't consider her my "mom", but now that she is a part of my life, and my children's lives, she is definitely included. We consider our family to have grown and I could not be happier or feel more blessed.

Happy Mother's Day, Vanessa!!!!

Ryan Hernandez said...

Vanessa, I loved your blog post! Thanks for your openness with Ari about his birth mom. He will love you and respect you even more when he gets older for your mindset. Your strength has always been inspiring. Happy Mothers Day to you Vanessa!

Julia Wyble said...

I'm so thankful for you and your story. The encouragement that it gives Nathan and I is priceless. As this weekend is difficult for so many of us, I look forward to the day I too can celebrate the gift we are given by a very special woman.